Who says life is fair?

Hubby gets ready:

1. Run bath
2. Trim beard
3. Get in bath
4. Use soap
5. Use shampoo
6. Get out of bath
7. Dry
8. Apply deodorant

I get ready:

1. Run bath
2. Get in bath
3. Use shampoo
4. Use conditioner
5. File feet
6. Use body scrub
7. Shave under arms
8. Shave legs
9. Shave bikini line
10. Use soap
11. Plug in shower attachment and clean debris from all of the above off self and tub
12. Get out of bath
13. Dry
14. Apply hair straightening balm
15. Apply face moisturizer
16. Apply body moisturizer
17. Apply deodorant
18. Use normal hairdryer to reach 50% dryness
19. Use special hairdryer with straightening attachment to reach 100% dryness
20. Use straightening irons
21. Sit in front of fan to settle hair
22. Apply finishing spray to hair
23. Pluck eyebrows
24. Apply dye to eyebrows and lashes
25. Clean up hair from bathroom floor and counter tops
26. Remove dye from eyebrows and lashes
27. Apply makeup

And that, my friends, is just a normal day. By someone who is in the middle of reading Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth, no less. At least I know to say it myself before someone else has to: SUCKER!

An Omaha news channel (www.ketv.com/news/14792807/detail.html) writes today about the 19-year-old who opened fire in Westroads Mall on Wednesday, killing eight and injuring several others.

The article is presented under the header of State Spent $265K On Hawkins' Care. In it, we are given a detailed run-down of the various “services” this troubled youth received during the four years in which he was a state ward.

I probably don’t need to tell you how distasteful, even disgraceful, I find this kind of rhetoric. What exactly is the point? Giving the tax payer an opportunity to scoff: “Dude, I could have paid off my mortgage with that money and instead they spent it on a killer”?

Even more irritating (to say the least) is that yet again no mention is made of the insanity of American gun laws. Every time one of these lost young souls goes on a killing spree, the fact that none of it would have happened had the weapon not been readily available from Daddy’s gun cabinet is ignored—all because of a bunch of rednecks trying to compensate for… well, yeah.

The only interesting/enlightening part of this article is where you get to find out that there is actually a formal diagnosis called “oppositional defiant disorder”. Don’t ask me why, but something about it felt strangely familiar. So I looked it up, and here are the symptoms:

• Throwing repeated temper tantrums
• Excessively arguing with adults
• Actively refusing to comply with requests and rules
• Deliberately trying to annoy or upset others, or being easily annoyed by others
• Blaming others for your mistakes
• Having frequent outbursts of anger and resentment
• Being spiteful and seeking revenge
• Swearing or using obscene language
• Saying mean and hateful things when upset

Yep. I knew it. Out of the 9 symptoms listed, I have at least 7, which I guess means I now know what is wrong with me. And with about 99% of my fellow Europeans. On the other side of the water, you see, being oppositional and defiant is a lifestyle. Over here, it is a disease.

Today’s food tally, so far

Breakfast: Two hard-boiled eggs and two tablespoons of salsa in a tortilla wrap – 300 calories

Mid-morning snack: Six "chocolate melties” designed to be used in candy making - 100 calories

Lunch: Can of Zesty Gumbo soup – 200 calories

Mid-afternoon snack: - one mini blueberry bagel and a small pile of Christmas colored M&Ms – 200 calories

Total calories so far: 800
Total calories made up of chocolate or wine so far: 220

Calories left to consume today: 700
Calories left to consume made up of chocolate or wine today: 80

Target number of calories per day: 1500
Target number of calories made up of chocolate or wine per day: 300 maximum, or 20%

Hm. Looks to be going OK, except I blew my chocolate/wine ration already.